“A hundred years ago, people began practicing personal hygiene, and life expectancy rates rose by over 50 percent in just a matter of decades. I believe our quality of life could rise just as dramatically if we all began practicing emotional hygiene.” Guy Winch
Just like brushing our teeth prevents cavities, we can counteract mental illness by practicing emotional hygiene. With statistics confirming that 1 in 5 Americans is suffering from a mental health disorder, it is apparent most of us are not prioritizing or psychological health. It is normal to feel stressed at work and overwhelmed at the pace of our modern living. But by paying attention to our mental health and practicing self-care, we can cleanse the psychological debris that we accumulate on a daily basis.
When I first started practicing self-care, it felt like a waste of time and a selfish indulgence. I used so much mental energy trying to convince myself that it was ok to spend the time and money to feel good. Then after the massage was over and the bath water turned cold, my problems, stress, and life were still there waiting for me. Finally, I realized that self-care isn’t about putting a Band-Aid over my feelings or temporarily sweeping them under the rug. True self-care requires awareness of my feelings and taking accountability for my emotions. After I began forming new habits and prioritizing my emotional health, my life transformed.
Here are five essential steps to developing a self-care routine that can prevent exhaustion and mental illness.
Build Awareness
The first step to self-care is building awareness and mindfulness of our emotions. Many of us live our lives on autopilot, frantically running around to do all-the-things. We rarely take a moment to pause and check in. We might feel a hint of anger or fear, and instead of acknowledging it or bringing it into conscious awareness, we impulsively reach for the ice cream or raise our voice. However, if throughout the day we can build the habit of noticing where we feel the emotion in our body and labeling the feeling, then we can be on our way to developing mindfulness. It sounds simple but practicing awareness in this way puts a lot of distance between you and your emotions. This way, you can continue to ride the waves of your emotional states, instead of getting swept underneath them.
Practice the 90 second Rule
Jill Bolted Taylor, a well-known brain scientist, and researcher say it only takes 90 seconds to reset our emotions. She says, “When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.”
To get out of the loop, becoming mindful of your thoughts is vital. If you can watch your thoughts go by like trains on a track and not emotionally jump on board, you will be better equipt to handle life stressors. So, the next time you feel a surge of anxiety, anger or sadness, focus on your breath for 90 seconds. You will be amazed at the difference a minute, and a half can make.
Set Boundaries
The quality of our relationships is the most significant predictor of emotional health. However, for our connections with others to be healthy, we must learn to set boundaries. We do this by using our ‘yes’ and ‘no’ authentically. When we go along with something because we feel guilty our relationships eventually turn toxic. Our need for acceptance can also force us into situations that make us uncomfortable, which makes us feel exhausted and resentful. Although it can be terrifying to have these difficult conversations, it is often more damaging not to have them. It’s also critical to end any relationship or say no to relationships that are abusive or destructive.
Let in the good
If we are practicing awareness, the 90-second rule, and setting boundaries, then we can use that as a foundation to build upon, and truly enjoy that bubble bath free of stress and worry. It is essential as you’re practicing self-care to be in the moment and soak up any good emotions. Fully notice if you feel peace, love, contentment, calm, and focus on where you sense that in your body. The more you can anchor into that feeling, the more you will be able to access it in times of stress.
Stay Accountable
Have you ever noticed how hard it is to find the workout machine you need at the gym in January but have no problems in July? As human beings, it is hard to stay with a new habit even when it is good for us. In 12 step programs, a sponsor is a person who mentors and holds others accountable for maintaining their sobriety. Since we don’t want to fall of the self-care wagon and relapse into old patterns, it is best to have a self-care accountability buddy. I have done this with a few friends in the past, and it is incredible how well it works. You could start a group text where everyone says one thing they did to take care of themselves every day. Not only is it an excellent reminder but it can help give new ideas for self-care.
The more you practice true self-care, the more you will feel joy, peace, and a sense of connection. It also leads to resiliency so you can handle any future setbacks or stressors. By forming these new habits, you won’t just be able to survive stressful situations- you will thrive in spite of them.
If you have difficulty practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, or maintaining good self-care, it might be best to talk to a trained professional. Because practicing self-care is not luxury- it is a necessity.