I wish I could say that finding a therapist is an easy process. It can be very discouraging to feel like you found someone that can help, only to discover a few months later that things are not changing. When this happens, some blame the therapeutic process altogether and feel that therapy is just not for them. However, not all therapists are the same. They are also not created equally. Finding a therapist that has the experience, training, and ability to help you heal is the most crucial first step. If you’re able to avoid these common mistakes, you will be able to find the best therapist for you.
Afraid to ask the right questions
Finding a therapist is a lot like dating. It can be super awkward at that first meeting, and you might be scared to ask personal questions. However, the more upfront you can be, the more you’ll know if it’s a good fit. It is entirely okay to ask your therapist about their philosophical approach to therapy, their cultural competency, who they typically treat, and who they are passionate about helping. You can ask how a typical session looks, and how long it takes for their clients to get better. Outside of asking inappropriate personal questions that have nothing to do with therapy – anything else goes. If the therapist is uncomfortable or not forthcoming regarding this information, it is entirely okay to end it. Just like dating, it’s important not to waste your time with the wrong person.
Not speaking to several therapists before making a decision
Just like finding a new apartment or house, you don’t want to just sign a lease on the first thing you see. I know it’s overwhelming to keep track of the different therapists you’ve called or run around to various consultations, but it is better to put the work in the beginning so you don’t end up paying for it later. Most therapists offer free initial consultations so you can do this very thing. If they don’t, tell them you would like them to answer some questions before you book your first appointment. It’s essential to compare experience, cost, location, and specialties. Make sure your therapist has training in a proven modality or specializes in treating what you’re looking to resolve. Doing a little bit of research beforehand will pay off in dividends later.
Prioritizing convenience over quality
We often don’t want to spend a lot of time and money in therapy. However, many people sacrifice their time with a therapist they don’t even like because they take their insurance. Others have also admitted that they kept seeing someone because it was a short drive. Initially, you do end up saving time and money by finding someone cheap or close. Unfortunately, because you need to go to more sessions to get the same result, or because you don’t see improvements at all, it ends up costing you more time and money in the long run.
Assuming that because your friend likes a therapist, you will too
One of the best ways to find a good therapist is a referral from a friend or someone you know. However, it’s important to keep in mind that although you and your friend have the same style and sense of humor, you will most likely need very different things in a therapist. Just like every therapist has a slightly different approach, specialty, and training, everyone going to therapy is struggling with something different and need a somewhat different approach. While many therapists are good at treating a variety of issues and have diverse treatment approaches, it’s still good to scrutinize your friend’s referral in the same way you would any other therapist.
Not following your instincts
Listening to your gut or intuition is the most important thing to do when choosing a therapist. Too often we allow guilt, fear, or insecurity take the driver’s seat in our minds. We might feel guilty ending it with our therapist, so we make excuses or deny that we aren’t getting anything out of it. It’s also impossible to know someone just from meeting them a couple of times. However, if we can pay attention to the way someone makes us feel, then it becomes much easier to know if they are right for us. After each initial consultation, it’s helpful to take a moment to ask yourself if you felt comfortable talking with this person, if you feel any lighter, or have more hope. If so, congratulations. All of these are good indications that you have found someone that is the right fit for you.
Overall, finding a good therapist is just like finding any other relationship. It helps to have clarity on what you’re looking for and the courage to ask for it. The most important thing is that you listen to and respect your feelings. Even if you tell a therapist that they are not the right fit, most of them are still more than happy to help you find the right person. Some might even give you referrals. So, if you are having a hard time finding someone you feel comfortable with, or if you’re just starting your search, avoiding these common mistakes will guarantee a better chance of seeing the perfect therapist for you.