Empathy is the ability to feel the emotions of others. Empaths, according to Dr. Judith Orloff, are more than highly sensitive people. They inadvertently take on the energy of people around them.
We now have some scientific evidence that empathy exists. Some studies have suggested that mirror neurons, a group of cells in our brain that mimic the expression of others are responsible for our compassion toward others. Empaths are thought to have hypersensitive mirror neurons where narcissists and other sociopaths have empathy deficient disorders. Research has also shown evidence of mood contagion, or the subconscious passing of one’s emotions to another person. This is a frequent phenomenon found in maternity wards where one baby’s crying will simultaneously set off a domino effect of crying in other infants. While empathy is typical among most people when they are around a loved one who is suffering or feeling joy, empaths don’t have the usual filters that others have and can pick up on the moods and thoughts of everyone around them, including strangers.
As an empath and psychotherapist, I am especially fascinated in understanding empathy and helping others to hone this special skill so that it doesn’t get the best of them. Growing up as an empath, I always felt that I didn’t quite fit in. When I was in kindergarten, the teacher would always comment on my report card that I would do much better if I weren’t trying to take care of everyone else in class and crying all the time. I remember trying to explain to my mom that I wasn’t ever crying for me, but the other kids in class. I felt at a young age that I could feel the embarrassment, fear, and heartache of others.
Empaths often feel overwhelmed and anxious. They can feel drained in certain social situations or environments with a lot of noise or people such as crowds and airports. It is for this reason that they crave their alone time. They frequently are misunderstood and mislabel themselves as shy, socially anxious or too sensitive. They often try to numb their sensitivity with alcohol or drugs.
It wasn’t until I began my career as a psychotherapist and healer that I realized I was absorbing the emotions of my clients whether I wanted to or not. Unfortunately, I had to become depressed until I learned that much of the sadness that I was feeling, wasn’t even my own. However, once I was able to distinguish where my feelings were coming from and how to protect my energy, my health and wellbeing have never been better.
Here are some coping strategies that have helped me.
Ask where is this feeling coming from
As I am writing this, I am sitting on a crowded plane and feeling suddenly claustrophobic. At first, I began to question myself, wondering what was wrong with me. Did I drink too much caffeine? Have I been overworking myself? However, instead of internalizing I remember to notice my environment. It is at this moment that I realize I am picking up on the energy from a man in the seat directly in front of me. He keeps talking loudly and invading the space of the women next to him. Once he gets up to go to the bathroom, I feel immediately calm.
Most people think and then feel. Anyone else on the plane might have noticed this man’s behavior, thought he was obnoxious and then felt angst. However, empaths typically feel, then think. This is why a lot of empaths internalize feelings that are coming from external sources. The first place you want to start as an empath is to ask where is this coming from. The can find the answer as soon as we ask the right question.
Learn protection techniques
One technique that I have used for years is to imagine a shield of light around me that allows my energy to go out but only allows love to pass through. You can make this shield of light any color that you would like, and you can practice this anywhere.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious or fearful, using a grounding technique can help. You can begin by taking some long, slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, feeling your belly expand on each in-breath and deflate on the out-breath. Then, focus your attention on the sensations on the bottom of your feet. There are many reflexology and acupuncture points in your feet, and by grounding yourself in those sensations, you can send healing energy throughout your body. Next, after mindfully connecting with your feet, imagine that roots are growing down through the earth and connecting and grounding you to earth’s healing energy.
Cut out energy vampires
Many people can be attracted to empaths care and understanding. However, certain people are in desperate need of empathy and are inclined to take advantage of the empath’s giving nature. Dr. Judith Orloff refers to these types of people as energy vampires. These energy vampires are skilled at manipulating the empath. You know when you’re around an energy vampire because they will make you feel exhausted, anxious, irritable, self-critical or physically sick.
It is essential to try the protection techniques listed above but also to replenish your energy after you spend time with them. You can do this by smudging, aromatherapy, taking an Epsom salt bath or meditation.
One meditation that I find useful is to think of a person or an animal that brings me unconditional love. Then I focus on the feeling of that love in my heart. Once the sensation becomes powerful enough, I move the sense of love throughout my body, where ever I need it the most.
Although these techniques are great for protection and replenishing, it is best to try to limit or completely avoid contact with an energy vampire. Sometimes empaths are attracted to the same toxic relationships with energy vampires and repeat this relationship pattern over and over again. This can be an indication that there is some more profound healing of past traumas that is necessary to move on and not get drawn into this toxic dynamic. If you’re having a difficult time removing toxic ties from your life, then you might want to seek the help of a therapist that specializes in treating trauma or uses EMDR.
You have an extraordinary gift as an empath. You can read people well, practice compassion and even heal people, animals or the earth. However, it’s imperative to practice self-care and use these techniques so that your empathy doesn’t exhaust you or worse, create mental, emotional or physical illness.
If you have been feeling sad more days than not or have anxiety that is interfering with your daily routine, then it’s essential to seek the help of a professional who knows how to treat empaths. Don’t give up hope. You need your empathy, and the world does too.